Life is ...

Welcome 'bluedachsund54' -

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Hi blue! I'm new too...just last month I was diagnosed with fibro! I can relate to so many things you posted...especially the house! I loved and prided myself on an absolutely beautiful home that was clean and organized...and now...well I, too, can be ashamed! Everyone says it looks great...but I know differently! I really want to have christmas at my house this year...but I'm afraid to say I will have it for fear that I won't have enough good days to get my house the way I want my house to be!!! Oh well enough of me...have you been diagnosed with Fibro? Tell me more about yourself! What can I do to help support you???

Wendy

Hi to all, I too suffer from all the pain and fibro fog, lack of energy.
I used to clean my house from top to bottom whenever I knew people were coming, even my kids (who don't seem to apply clean houses in their lives), it mattered a lot to me.
I related it to: if my house looked great then no one would bother with me!! Wrong idea...it is better to have a slightly messy house so that you are without pain and can enjoy them being there. That truly is the best blessing you can have because that is showing support for you, not your house!
My house is for sale...we got notification that there was a showing scheduled for the next day and my house was a mess. I sat and cried knowing that I could not even bend over to clean the toilets. We really want our house to sell so we can move to a place that we don't have to do yard work, I can just no longer tolerate it after I fell a couple of times, talk about embarrassing! My sister called during my crying, asked what she could do and immediately came over, cleaned my house, called my daughter and she too came to help, even the hubby got in on this one when he got home from work.
I truly hate giving up my control, it just means another thing I could not do and I like being independent but I realized that day that I do things for people all the time, maybe not clean their house but being there for them during their bad times usually only takes an ear and a few um-hmms.
So, ask for help if it available, quit putting yourself down because your house isn't clean, clean when and how long you can and let it go.
Hope this does not sound like a lecuture, it is not meant to be but some time we just have to let go and let God! Find out what is really truly important and relish that!

clean house LOL what is that. I swear God takes the ability away to keep a spotless house to teach us there is more to life than just cleanilness. I used to do this and that, well no more. I lowered my standards and accepted that I simply cannot do what I want or used to do.

asking for help that is very good advice, one I had trouble to learn. easier to do myself than ask. another lesson I think GOd needed to teach me not only how to work with others more, but to ask for help and accept help too. my sister does my dishes (kills my back the bending) and she is obsessive compulsive and at times she gets locked in a motion and can take two minutes to wash one plate. I have to leave the kitchen and not see her doing dishes for it drives me nuts. had to learn it doesn't matter how it is done, what matters is that it gets done.

I think letting go is the hardest part to learn and when you guys all find that key please share with me. LOL I am still working on that one. I like to entertain and invite many over for a big meal to share on holidays but I have cut back ont he invites and again learning to accept some help even in dishes being brought into my home.

I think learning to relax and accept things more has helped my pain big time to for the stres increases the pain and destressing is so very important.

i haven't heard the term fibro fog for some time now. I used to get it so bad but since I started on the 5htp the fog has lifted. I can gladly say I have no clue anymore what it feels like. one win for me Ya HO !

I get fibro flares , those I do not like. I get arthritis that fortells weather better than the weather man or woman. I got a hubby that knows when I need that extra rest or extra help and chips in whole heartedly , for me that is like a vault full of gold. I know without him I would be way worse off than I am now and I have seen my body actual heal more with his love and support.

I pray you all find health and happiness. chronic pain really truely does suck the life out of ya. and sometimes the faith LOL

pleased to meet some new comers just wish it was for more pleasant reasons, but hey this si an awesome place to share and learn
hugs dare

So glad your hubby helps, mine just went to bed angry with me. I was not up to fixing his supper!! He fixed his own but alas, none for me. He does on line gaming and tonight was a raid night and I knew he needed to eat before 7. I can let go of the things I can no longer do on the days that are bad, like today but the feelings of being bad linger a bit!!
Thank you for the feed back and sharing!

Susan
'Tis not enough to help the feeble up, but to support them after

Susan I am peed at your hubby. Mine would never do that nor go to bed mad at me. I can't believe I once was married to such an uncaring person. I think the world would be so much better if there was more men like my present hubby. I am blessed and realize it every day. it makes me a better wife being loved so much.

i have friends that have been married 60 years and he says most men do not know howto treat their wives well. He alwyas tells me when a man treats his wife like a princess (not a queen for many do not treat queens proper lol) and goes that extra mile to make her happy (I am not not materialistic either here at all) his wife will treat him like a true King. his wife has had 4 rounds of cancer and many health challenges along the way and I have never seen two more in love than them. they will do what ever they can to make life more comfortable fo rthe other. when I dated this last tiem I wanted that too and I got it. had to bet aught I deserved it first.

Susan it really gets to me when i hear men treating their wives poorly. to me it only spirrals things downward not improve. support an dlove heal anger and frustration only add to the stresss that contributes to the pain.

I think I went to bed once made in the past 6 years and me hang my head that was my fault for not expressing how hurt I felt . Hubby does not read minds a nd I needed to tell him how i felt and did not. he had no clue and felt so bad the next day .

off to work ladies and gents. hope every one has an awesome day
hugs dare

Thanks dare, I too am peed at him, we have been married 31 years and he has a very poor background as a child but does that mean that I must bear the brunt of that, I think not. We are currently in counseling, it has helped some but we have a ways to go. I have told him I am no longer willing to be in this type of marriage, it is what my parents had and I want more and if I can be happier without him then so be it.
He says he loves me....but he is not sure what love means I don't believe. He is willing and usually trying very hard to make this work so at this point I will still give him the benefit of the doubt.
Thanks for caring.

wow 31 years Suan that is a feat in it self. LOL

I remember when I was in councilling before my marriage feel apart something I found very interesting the pastor had us do. write 100 reasons why you love your partner . My x coul dnot do it. he got around 30 and they where all mostly about my long blond hair and my ability to work . I think he did ten versions of them both. that told me alot about how he felt about me. number one to my face he hated my long hair and he critized my work. lookin gback the more femine I looked the more he complained he likes his women when they look mannish I have learnt. ops I got breast and like to wear dresses when I dress up and no matter what I do I always have long nails. oh there I go off .
what i was getting at is I like the 100 reasons why a man loves you and so befor I would marry my present husband I insisted he do the 100 reasons. when i read them I cried and cried with joy for in my heart I knew then he loved me truly. when you love someone it is not hard to write 100 reasons. when i feel blue ipull out the list and remind myself why someone loves me. LOl it is a good spirit lifter.

you know what love is to me know. love is when they cross your thoughts through out the day and you long to be near them when your apart. love is never ending it grows and grows and never ceases to surprise you. lov eis knowing that when the world hurts so much to live within that you can look and hear the voice You know you cannot leave behind hurtfully. love is the power that makes the physical pain durable. love is knowing that you willnever be aloen when struggles come to face you. love is crawling in bed and feeling embraced and a peace flows over you. love is waking up and smiling down or seeing a smiling face above . love is never remaining the sa me but always growing and always maturing. I love my husband more each day we are together.

tonight I got off work and he helped me to prepare to soak my feet in epson salts. and he sat with me at work well I tended to recoveing them and then drove as I slept on the way home. I canot stop but feel so blessed to not only be able to have him for a hubby but to have the honor to work with him at a job. I actually love going to work with him. I get glimpses of him at work and barely saw to words but the sight of him brings an ease within.

communication is the one thing I do now that I never had prior.

susan you made it this far and sounds like he wants to stay in the marriage. the door is there for you both just got to find it. I will pray you do. I like how you refuse to accept the blunt of his poor past. that is a very good boundary and your right. my poor childhood should not give a reason to treat my hubby bad nor should your hubbies be a reson for him.

your in my thoughts and prayers
love dare

WOW, that was very powerful and something I needed to read! Thank you so much for sharing. We are both learning about each other finally...thru counseling...after 31 years. I had never shared with him the diffuculties of my childhood, he always thought I lived the Brady Bunch life...far from it! I just exsisted thru my childhood, middle child, peacemaker what ever you want to call it. I just wanted to please everyone and I grew up being the same way. I don't think I really let my hubby know me, afraid that he would not like me to have my own opinions or thoughts, confrontation was a no-no. Slowly but surely we are working towards a better relationship, one that is fulfilling to both of us.
His biggest struggle is trying to understand both the fibro and the depression. Most days I hurt but manage with the fibro, most days I hurt with the bi-polar but in a different way of course. When the chemcials stop working as they have now he just wants to fix and forget. Since I am unable to work right now money is an issue, I am not bringing any in and that is one of his very uncomfortable areas, I do know that but there is nothing I can do and he will need to understand this. Look at me all this going on, bottom line is I love my husband and he loves me and this will work out and the 2nd half of our marriage will be better for both of us!
Thank you so much for "listening" and also for the prayers.

susan I am glad for you. when my x heard about my past he used to to hurt me over and over. I was so scared to tell my presnt hubby but I had to know so I told him before i would marry him. H ehas never used any of my past ever to hurt me.
brady bunch hey. you must be a wonderful actress then to pull that one off. that is a pretty hard show to imitate. love is the bottom line and when you have it any thing is surmountable.
hugs dare